Yesterday Chloe woke up in a pretty good mood. She had only gotten up once to go to the bathroom during the night and fell back to sleep within 30 minutes. She had asked me to take her to library Sunday, but I haven’t taken her since her last fit there. I told her we would go, but she had to make good choices. No screaming, no running, no singing and NO FITS!!! I continued to remind her of the rules anytime she brought up going.
I know it is important to take Chloe out and help her adjust to the world outside her home, but I will be honest it scares me. I never know how she will act and she is too big for me to handle physically. Usually I am lucky and she responds to verbal redirection at the library. Unfortunately this was not one of those times.
I try to go when I know there are no story times going on. That way it is quieter and less crowded. Little did I know they had switched this activity from Tuesday to Monday. We got there and it was packed with parents and toddlers. Chloe did well for about 20 minutes. The toddlers went into their room for story time and Chloe started walking around and seemed happy. The only redirection going on was redirecting an inappropriate tic she has developed. I was told how to redirect it in a calming way and I was doing that. She kept saying “Play”, but every time I had to redirect her she was getting more upset. It was not something I could let her do in public or anywhere really.
The story time was over and out came the little ones. Typically at this point Chloe will say “Time to go”, but she just kept fussing and saying “Play at the Library”! I wasn’t preventing her from playing, just redirecting the behavior. All of a sudden she started hitting herself in the head and yelling. I tried to get her to a secluded area, but she wanted to be right in the middle of the kids. I was afraid she would throw herself down and hurt one of them. I got her to the bathroom, where she completely melted down. I was trying everything I could think of at this point. I was in tears as well. She finally calmed down, I thought, and walked over to the kitchen play area. She threw herself down and started all over again. I got her to the bathroom again. Once she calmed down all of the kids were gone except 2. There also was a security guard there too. I assured him she wouldn’t hurt anyone, just herself. The librarian came over and checked on us to see if I needed anything. I appreciated that. I was exhausted and emotionally drained. It took an hour from the beginning of the fit until I got her to the car. She was laughing like nothing had happened. I asked her if she threw a fit and she just mimicked me.
Once home she was calm. Autism really stinks sometimes. I can’t wait to get her back into therapy. I need a lot of help with these behaviors. Until I get help with these behaviors we will not be going back to the library. I just can’t handle it right now.