Depression as an Autism Mom

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Good Morning and I hope all of you are having a great Wednesday so far.

Do I ever get depressed? Oh yes and I cry a lot to. Being a parent of a child who is autistic is HARD!! A parent with a child with any special needs is hard. I remember when they confirmed Chloe’s autism. I just sat there watching what I thought her life would be fade away. Then I thought with all the right therapy and going to school she can learn and work through so much.

She had wonderful therapist and awesome teachers, but she didn’t progress as much as I had hoped she would. I worked with her at home every day. I felt like a complete failure as a mom. By the time she was in 1st grade she was done with public school. She was in a low incident room and I thought she would feel safe there and have low anxiety. She was in a wonderful school with loving teachers and therapist, but she just couldn’t handle it. I cried a lot!!

Homeschooling has had it’s ups and downs. Some days go really well and others go very badly. Chloe is now technically 3rd grade. She functions academically on a kindergarten level. She can read however on a 3rd grade level. I am not 100 % sure what level her comprehension is, but not grade level. She hates school and I mean hates it! I have tried every way to make it fun and more “not” like school, but every day gets harder.

Depression kicks in about now. I see how upset she gets when I make her sit down to learn. Yesterday it took 2 hours to get her to do a few things. I work very hard putting all of her homeschool work together. I feel like I am failing her. I am at a point of not knowing what to do.

I am currently trying Unschooling with a  bit of homeschool thrown in. She loves the unschooling, but if I set something out for her to do she refuses. I feel I am rambling, but this is how I feel. I want her to learn because she is so smart. Yesterday was especially rough because she was also in a horrible mood and throwing fits all day.

It is only October and I am struggling to fit in all of the required subjects each day. I try to take a deep breath and know I am doing my best. Still the tears come. How can I fit in learning when she refuses most days to even try?

I pray each for God’s help and guidance. I want her to be happy and she is if I don’t make her do her learning time. If any of you have any advice please share and if you pray say one for us. Chloe is a sweet girl, but when she is having these behavior issues she screams all day and hurts herself. I feel like some days if I don’t push “work” on her she doesn’t have the behavior issues as often. What to Do???

Thanks for listening to me and I ask again to keep us in your thoughts. Have a very blessed day.

4 thoughts on “Depression as an Autism Mom”

  1. Sending prayers. It is so tough to decide what to do. We are all different and our kids have different needs – and we all have different resources. Personally, I could never try to homeschool. I need my break from my kids and they need a break from me. I go through depressive episodes as well. The worst was when Declan was diagnosed too. To me it was a sentence that life was always going to be as hard as it was then. So tough. Thinking and praying for you!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Sweet mama, I feel for you. I have a child that is on the spectrum, but is high functioning so it’s really not the same situation. I can tell you, though, that I get push back on school work from both of my kiddos and it’s totally normal. I highly doubt you’re doing anything wrong. If “typical” children push back, and autistic children have more magnified kind of feelings and behaviors, than I’m thinking what you’re experiencing is (somewhat) normal. Easy? No! But please don’t beat yourself up thinking that it’s something you’re doing or not doing. All you can do is your best. God gave you Chloe because he knew you were the perfect mom for her. Don’t give up. I know some days seem like they could swallow you whole. Go talk to someone if you need to. Do you have a tribe? Are you guys members of a co-op? I’m praying for you!

    Liked by 1 person

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